Thursday, October 23, 2008

Suddenly, it all begins to make sense...

Ever since she was added to the ticket, people have been wondering why Palin was picked. What did she add to the ticket? Now, I know that some of the more cynical amongst us thought that it was a shallow attempt by McCain to try to pick up the woman vote--that he believed that having a woman veep would sway women voters to his side. I can't say I blame that train of thought--it's not like McCain has done much to give the impression that he thinks particularly highly of women, so it wouldn't be a stretch to think that he was trying to pull one over.

But! But!

I'm here to announce that I've finally figured it out. In order to understand the genius of the McCain Election Plan, we need to go back a bit. I'm not the only one, I think, who thinks that McCain has changed in recent years. It wasn't that long ago that many on the left were thinking "You know, a split ticket with McCain on board wouldn't necessarily be terrible." But, in recent years, McCain has made a strong push to get back in line with the values and goals of the conservative right. This change was very disappointing to some of us who saw McCain as being an example of someone from the right that we could respect, even if we didn't agree. Now, some of that might be attributed to the greater attention he's getting now, so we're seeing more about him than we had in the past, but I think there's a deeper plot involved here.

I'm going to come out and say it:
John McCain is secretly a liberal plant, trying to move the nation in the right direction by intentionally sabotaging his run for the presidency and doing everything in his power to make the right look like maniacs and crazies.

A bold claim? Perhaps, but let's consider the evidence.

First of all, he picks a running mate who nobody has ever even heard of. A running mate who disagrees with him on some pretty significant issues. A running mate who can't give a straight interview, who can't answer even the most simple of questions... and we've all seen the SNL skits by now.


Second of all, look at the way he composes himself- he wanders around the stage aimlessly during debates. He gets lost on stage after questions. He goes bug-eyed during interviews. He refuses to apologize when it comes out that he told rape jokes. The angry stares and the bittterness that's practically oozing off of him at all times... He does his best to act like a man on the verge of breaking at every moment--he couldn't act more like a man on the brink if he took LSD before stepping into the bright lights to take questions.



And now this!

A subtle message to voters that the left is right and the right is wrong? An attempt to subliminally influence the vote in favor of the Dems?
...

Or just a really funny--and expensive--fashion faux pas on the part of one of the most ridiculous presidential tickets in modern history?

You be the judge!

2 comments:

FeministGal said...

I LOVE that viagra/birth control clip! He sounds like a total fool...

I also like your hypothesis that, "John McCain is secretly a liberal plant, trying to move the nation in the right direction by intentionally sabotaging his run for the presidency and doing everything in his power to make the right look like maniacs and crazies." I hope you're right... b/c there can't possibly be people that take the McCain/Palin ticket seriously, can there?

Mark said...

I'm one of the cynical people who think that McCain chose Palin because she's a woman. Not just in an effort to court female voters, but to take some steam out of Obama's advantage of positive change. By choosing a woman, McCain could say that his side of the ticket was also about change. I don't think it's been entirely successful, but perhaps he did undercut Obama a bit on that count.

And FYI, there are plenty of people who take McCain/Palin seriously. Like most politics, it's not that they like McCain/Palin so much as they dislike Obama/Biden. Not that I'm voting McCain, but still, I can see why some people would bristle at some of the things Obama supports.