Friday, August 15, 2008

Wait... you mean belching *detracts* from your "hot" factor?

Oh, wait, no.
It only matters if you're a woman, I forgot.

I know I shouldn't be surprised about an article like this. I mean, it's on What can you really expect there?

And there's so much obviously wrong with the article. I mean, really?
It would be one thing if these female Shreks were cut from the same cloth as Roseanne Barr or Rosie O'Donnell. But the trouble is they're all smoking hot. It's their job to primp and preen and push stuff up to look sexy—what's the point of putting in all that effort if you're only going to undermine the whole operation with gruesome behavior?


Weirdly enough, I think that some of us have come to the bizarre conclusion- and bear with me, because I know that this is really advanced thinking here- that women have roles, desires, and purposes that extend beyond and sometimes don't even include "being hot for men".

Woooaah. Hold on, I think I'm getting dizzy. It's such radical thought, my mind might be blown.

I'm just tired of seeing the same old "women's purpose in life is get all hotified for men. Unless you're fat or ugly. Then it's okay for you to be vulgar."

And it's such a blatant double-standard. It's cool for men to be vulgar and obnoxious because it's funny. But women? No, no, no. They've got to be prim and proper and sexed up.

I have to say, I'm also tired of total dolts like this guy being seen as the voice of Manhood. I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way, either. How many times do we need some idiot half-brain telling us what we should and shouldn't find hot? How many times do we need some magazine puppet telling us that we should only find women like Model X attractive, and that women like Model Y? Well, there's clearly something wrong with you if you find that hot.

If you think that you're ever going to find a partner who never burps or farts, I think you're really in for a rude awakening at some point. But thanks, John, for reminding me (as if I needed it) some of the things I really dislike about typical "men's" magazines.

The only really good thing about the page is the comments section. As of right now, there are 17 comments, and it looks like most of them are actually calling the guy on his stupid article. Maybe there's some hope.


FeministGal said...

These two comments were my favorite, for various reasons:

"Seriously, it's YOUR job to not be such a sterotyipical douchebag in this day and age. And I'm a guy. My girlfriend is smoking hot, drinks me under the table, and her favorite thing to say to me after we fuck is "high five." Her second favorite thing to say to me when we're hanging out is "pull my finger." It never fails to make me laugh. You seem to be frightened of a woman who isn't frightened to own a pair."


"Wow. I am speechless. I am not by any stretch one of those humorless feminists, but right now I just want to cockpunch you, you chauvinistic asshole."

(mostly because i AM one of those humorless feminists and also wanna cockpunch him... ;) what's a cockpunch anyway?)

Roy said...

You know, I'm not sure. At first, I assumed it was just another way of suggesting that you want to coldcock someone. But, the more I read it, the more I think it's, you know... a punch to the penis.

Anna said...

"The cause of her and Justin Timberlake's breakup was never reported. Best guess: He dumped her because she wouldn't stop passing gas."

This made me laugh out loud. Cameron Diaz "wouldn't" stop passing gas. You know, because getting your intestines tied is the new nose job. I thought everyone knew that!

Geez louise. The guy lists drinking "a few Buds" with his girl as a turn-on. Helloooooo? Hot girls don't have magical GI tracts that prevent burping after drinking your warm, disgusting beer.

To be fair, I HAVE noticed an increase in mainstream-hot-girls-do-unladylike-things on various talk shows - but I think it has something to do with these women's lack of agency in how they are packaged for the media. I think belching and farting loudly are just juvenile ways of saying "dude, I'm not just a pair of breasts!" (I say juvenile because I'm honestly not that entertained by body function humor - from men or women)

Sabertoothed Screaming Lemur said...

Damn. Does he also think ladies who use profanity won't be able to "snag a man"? (Because we're all hetero, of course, and no man *wants* to get married, we have to trap them.)
If so, maybe he's Rachel Lucas/Tim Blair in disguise?
Well... a good conspiracy theory always livens up *my* day, anyway.

lindabeth said...

Excellentpost...thatks for pointing it out, even if, as you say, "what should we expect?"

One comment...

If you think that you're ever going to find a partner who never burps or farts, I think you're really in for a rude awakening at some point.

Your point is correct, but the thing is these women aren't intended to be these men's partners...they're supposed to embody some sort of tailored version of femininity that caters to exactly what they want. They may not expect their real-life partners to be non-humanly primp, but gosh darn it, if they're going to reward celebrity women with money, they'd better live up to inhiman expectations. (Clearly, women don't get paid to be actresses, models, singers, etc.) And the best part...these men feel entitled to fart-free women--that we ought to demand that women be this way by paying them to do so--"it's their job!"

I would never have the audacity to say that a celebrity man (an any man for that matter) not act a certain human way because I feel entitled to be pleasured by a man who exists to my liking. And I have never heard a woman exude such a sense of entitlement to this. (same goes for the expectation that pretty women, especially celebrities, ought to be able to be found naked or at least scantily clad. I have no expectation to nor do I feel owed to seeing anyone naked except those who wsh to do so for the world or for me personally).

Seriously, I think this is a patriarchally-inspired attitude of entitlement.