Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Regarding "Sex With a Sleeping Woman"

I like to keep tabs on my referrals, to see both how many people are reading, and where they're coming from. Whenever I blog something on here, I check my referrals to see how people clicked over. This has been a really great tool, because it's led me to some really interesting blogs that I might not otherwise have found. It's also led to the creation of the "You Googled What to Find Me?" box on the sidebar.

There are a few google searches that come up regularly. There are some people that get here after searching for "No Cookies For Me," which I'm going to assume means that they were looking for my site. There are a few other searches that pop up not infrequently, but there's one that just keeps showing up in one form or another, and it's really starting to disturb me, because there's just no good way to take it.

I made an earlier post about it, but since it's kept coming up, I've realized that there's another possible way to take the search, so I thought it'd be worth talking about again. The search that keeps popping up is some variation of "Sex with someone sleeping".

Now, the first time I wrote about this, I assumed that the person doing the search was looking for porn. It occurs to me that there's another possibility- It's entirely possible that there are people out there looking for information because this has happened to them.

Neither of these possibilities makes me feel very good.

So, in case you ended up here because someone forced sex on you while you're asleep, and you're not sure what to call it or what to do now, the best I have to offer:

If someone has forced sex on you while you were asleep, or tried to, you've been the target of a sexual assault- you've been targeted for rape/attempted rape. The first thing I want to stress is that this is not your fault. You are not responsible for your attacker's actions, no matter what he your attacker (or anyone else, for that matter) might say.

You should get to a safe place, away from your attacker. This is particularly important if your attacker is known to you, as many are. You should also get to a hospital as soon as possible. It's very important that you not change clothes, shower/bathe, or otherwise clean yourself before you go to the hospital, no matter how strong and understandable the urge to do so might be. Cleaning/showering can destroy vital evidence necessary if you decide to press charges. When you get to the hospital, you can have them call the police for you.

It's also a good idea to find someone you trust that you can discuss what has happened with, and who can help provide emotional support in what may be a difficult process. Many women women and men who've been targeted for rape find that counseling is helpful, and this may be something to consider.

There are lots of resources a lot better than me for this kind of information:
Family Doctor Online: What to Do if You're Raped
TeensHealth: Rape
Women's Health - Rape: Healing and Survival


Jaclyn said...

This post is awesome and also makes me so, so sad, but I just wanted to make a plea to resist gendering "attacker." While it's COMPLETELY true that an overwhelming percent of the perps of sexual assault are male, when we gender the whole phenomenon as male on female violence we disappear some very important experiences, including those of women who have been sexually assaulted by their female partners. As hard as it is to get good help after being raped, it can be much, much harder when no one wants to acknowledge that what happened to you happens at all.

jeff said...

I think it's great that there be no blurry boundaries for people around this stuff--if somebody tries to fuck you when you haven't given consent, that's attempted rape. Thanks for being clear on it.

I also want to point out that I can think of at least one more reason people might google such a thing: Trying to learn about role playing this type of thing because one's partner is into role playing it, and one doesn't know anything about it...but wants to.

assembling words to armory, she waits... said...

jaclyn typed the words i was just going to send. and allow me to add that men on men abuse occurs often this way as well. the cover of nightfall and sleep is no excuse for attack.

Anonymous said...

Really sound advice, I only wish I'd read this when needed it, good that this stuff is out there

Anonymous said...

I just found your site by googling that, for the reason you've given. I don't know what happened exactly, only that as far as I'm concerned I haven't had sex in almost 2 years, I woke up to find my clothes awry and him in bed with me without my permission, and now I have pregnancy symptoms. It was exactly what I needed to see.